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Gaslighting - A covert form of emotional manipulation

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which someone purposefully sows confusion and doubt in another person to undermine their sense of reality. In this blog we will delve deeper into gaslighting, what it is and is not, how to recognize it, who gaslighters and victims are, examples of gaslighting, and what you can do to protect yourself or others. We will also discuss how therapy can help and what the benefits are.



Gaslighting is a subtle but devastating form of emotional manipulation that often goes unnoticed. It is a form of psychological abuse in which the abuser distorts the victim's reality, causing the victim to doubt themselves. Here's what it is, what it isn't, and how to spot it.


What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which the perpetrator sows doubt in the victim's mind about their own memory, perception and sanity. The gaslighter manipulates the victim's reality by systematically providing false information, distorting facts and covering up situations. The goal is often to gain control and exert power over the victim. Gaslighting is therefore a form of emotional manipulation in which the gaslighter systematically undermines the victim's perception and memories. This can lead to doubts about one's own health, mental state and ability to make right decisions.


What isn't it?

Gaslighting is not a normal form of miscommunication or disagreement. It is also not simply contradicting someone. It is a deliberate and often subtle form of manipulation that can cause long-lasting damage to the victim's mental well-being.


How can you recognize it?

Gaslighting can be difficult to recognize, but some signs include constant denial of events, changes in stories to shift blame, and constant questioning of one's memories and perceptions. The victim often begins to doubt themselves and their ability to correctly perceive reality. For example:

1. A partner who claims you're imagining things when you complain about their behavior.

2. A boss who accuses you of mistakes you didn't make.

3. Parents who tell you that you always exaggerate about your problems.


What kind of people are gaslighters?

Gaslighters are often manipulative, controlling and self-confident. They tend to dominate others and pursue their own agenda, without regard for the feelings or experiences of others. Gaslighters may come from different backgrounds, but they often share manipulative personality traits. They can be narcissistic, controlling, or more dominant in nature.


What kind of people are the victims?

Gaslighting can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. Victims are often empathetic and sensitive, which gaslighters can exploit. Victims of gaslighting may therefore be more likely to be people with a sensitive nature, who are open to the opinions of others and inclined to self-reflection. They may be people who are in a position of dependence on the gaslighter.


Can you classify the victims or are they all kinds of people?

Victims of gaslighting can be people of all ages, genders, backgrounds and social statuses. It can affect anyone who is in a relationship with a manipulative person, regardless of their personality or background.


13 real-life examples of gaslighting:

  1. Denial of own actions: Constantly denying promises or statements made previously.

  2. False accusations: Altering events to blame the victim.

  3. Contradictory statements: They repeatedly contradict themselves.

  4. Minimization: Minimizing the victim's feelings by saying they are exaggerating or being too sensitive.

  5. Projection: They project their own negative qualities onto the victim.

  6. Isolation: They isolate the victim from friends and family to facilitate control and undermine their support network.

  7. Sowing confusion: They create a constant state of confusion and uncertainty.

  8. Lying: Lying incessantly and then claiming that the victim is imagining things.

  9. Distortion of facts: Often distorting facts to justify one's own position and to portray the victim in a negative light.

  10. Spreading gossip: Spreading rumors or gossip to damage the victim's image.

  11. Blaming: Constantly blaming the victim for things beyond their control.

  12. Manipulating situations: Constantly manipulating situations so that the victim feels insecure about their own judgment.

  13. Distorting events: Twisting events to make the victim feel 'crazy' become.


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These are examples of situations, but these sentences may make it clear to you how subtle it is.


These are 15 example sentences that gaslighters often use:

1. "You're remembering that wrong, that's not what happened."

2. "You're imagining things, that's not what I said."

3. "You worry too much, you are too sensitive."

4. "Why do you make such a big deal out of something small?"

5. "I'm only doing this because I care about you, you just don't understand."

6. "Everyone thinks you're overreacting, not just me."

7. "Your friends just don't understand you the way I do."

8. "If you would do more of what I say, we wouldn't have any problems."

9. "You're always arguing about nothing, I'm just trying to help."

10. "You're just too emotional, you can't be objective."

11. "I can't believe you have such a bad memory, it wasn't like that."

12. "If you really knew me, you would know I wouldn't do this."

13. "You twist the facts to serve your own agenda."

14. "It's your fault I feel this way, you're driving me crazy."

15. "Why do you tell lies about me to others? I thought you were better."


These sentences are often intended to make the victim doubt their own memory, perception and feelings, and to undermine their own identity and reality.


What can you do about it?

Recognizing gaslighting is the first step. It is important to seek support from friends, family or professionals who can objectively assess the situation. It is also essential to set your own boundaries and learn to trust your own observations and feelings.


Tips for dealing with gaslighting:

1. Trust your own feelings and perception of reality.

2. Keep a diary of events to strengthen your own memories.

3. Seek professional help, such as therapy, to address the emotional effects of gaslighting.

4. Stay in touch with supportive friends and family who can help you view the situation objectively.

5. Set clear boundaries and communicate assertively to protect yourself from further manipulation.


How can therapy help?

Therapy can provide a safe space for victims of gaslighting to share and process their experiences. Therapists can help restore self-confidence, strengthen boundaries, and learn to deal with the emotional consequences of gaslighting. It can also help develop healthy coping mechanisms and restore self-esteem.


What is the main benefit of therapy?

The primary benefit of therapy is to provide a safe and supportive environment in which victims of gaslighting can recover and grow. Therapy can help regain confidence in one's own perceptions and feelings, and develop skills to recognize and avoid future manipulation.


The benefits at a glance:

1. Restoring self-confidence: Therapy can restore self-confidence damaged by gaslighting.

2. Emotional support: Therapists provide emotional support and guidance.

3. Strengthening boundaries: Victims learn to recognize and maintain their boundaries.


Frequently Asked Questions About Gaslighting

People often want to know how to avoid becoming victims of gaslighting, how to confront gaslighting, and how to recover from the damage it has caused. Common questions also revolve around the signs of gaslighting in different types of relationships, such as romantic relationships, friendships, or work relationships.


1. Can you protect yourself from gaslighting? Yes, awareness is the first step.

2. Why would anyone gaslight? Gaslighters often want power and control over others.

3. Can therapists help? Yes, therapists can guide victims in recovery and strengthening their self-confidence.


In this blog we discussed gaslighting, from what it is to how to recognize it, who gaslighters and victims are, examples, what you can do about it, frequently asked questions, and how therapy can help. Awareness and support are the keys to combating this manipulative tactic and restoring your self-esteem.


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