Recognising a narcissistic partner: checklist with examples

Marga Hogenhuis
4 hours ago
3 min read

Recognising narcissism in your relationship

You often feel small, insecure or guilty after a conversation. As if you can never do anything right. Sound familiar? Then you may be dealing with narcissistic behaviour in your relationship.

My name is Marga Hogenhuis-Flokstra, integrative therapist in Purmerend, Amsterdam and online. I help women between the ages of 30 and 55 to break patterns and find themselves again. In this blog, I give you a clear checklist for recognising narcissism, with recognisable examples.

You suspect narcissism: this is what you feel

Your partner is charming to the outside world, but cold or critical towards you. You doubt yourself. You feel exhausted. You hardly dare to express your opinion anymore.

One client said: ‘He said I exaggerate everything. That I'm too sensitive. But meanwhile, I found myself crying in silence more and more often.’

Recognition is the first step. Because narcissism is often subtle. And confusing. You may feel that it's all your fault. But that's part of the tactic.

What is behind it? How narcissistic behaviour arises

Narcissism often stems from deep insecurity. To avoid feeling this insecurity, people build a wall of control, manipulation and superiority.

A narcissistic partner wants validation, admiration and power. This can manifest itself in:

Not taking responsibility
Always blaming you
Ignoring your boundaries
Belittling other people's emotions

This behaviour has nothing to do with you. But it does have an impact on you.

What if you don't change anything?

Then you lose yourself more and more. You feel empty, confused and dependent. You think you are going mad.

Prolonged exposure to narcissistic behaviour undermines your self-image and can lead to anxiety, depression or burnout.

Without help, you often remain stuck in the same pattern.

The checklist: do you recognise these signs?

Use this list as a mirror. Every situation is unique, but multiple recognitions are a signal.

You feel guilty even though you have done nothing wrong
Your partner twists every conflict so that you are to blame
Your feelings are dismissed or ridiculed
There is no room for your needs or boundaries
You constantly have to weigh your words
Your partner has double standards: what he can do, you cannot
Pleasant moments are often followed by criticism or coldness
You are afraid to be honest for fear of anger or rejection

One client said: ‘He gave me flowers after an argument, but never admitted he was wrong. It felt like a consolation prize.’

How to recover with help

Fortunately, you are not alone. With integrative therapy and hypnotherapy, I will help you break patterns, restore boundaries, and build self-love.

What I can do for you:

Together, we will map out your patterns.
You will learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy behaviour.
You will develop tools to set boundaries.
You will strengthen your self-love and self-esteem.

I work in Purmerend, Amsterdam, and online. Always at your pace, with compassion and clarity.

Ready to rediscover yourself?

Do you feel that this applies to you? Then don't wait any longer. Make an appointment today for a no-obligation consultation.

You deserve a life in which you are once again the centre of attention.

Schedule your consultation via the link below.

About Marga Hogenhuis-Flokstra

Marga Hogenhuis-Flokstra is an integrative therapist in Purmerend, Amsterdam and online. She counsels women between the ages of 30 and 55 who are stuck in relationship patterns, childhood trauma and lack of self-love. Her specialisation is integrative therapy and hypnotherapy.

FAQ

How can I be sure that my partner is narcissistic?

Only a psychologist can officially diagnose depression. But if you recognise several points from the checklist, that is reason enough to seek help for your well-being.

Is it possible to get help without my partner's cooperation?

Yes. Therapy is effective when you actively engage with your boundaries, feelings, and patterns.

How quickly will I notice a change if I start therapy?

That varies from person to person. Many women experience greater peace of mind, clarity and self-confidence within just a few sessions. Small steps make a big difference.